


Deep Space Autism

by Rachaelizame



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Ableist Language, Autism, Gen, autistic headcanon, but used negatively like they should be, tw: ABA terms, vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2018-12-30 17:15:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12113445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachaelizame/pseuds/Rachaelizame
Summary: Autistic Jedi take the world by storm.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will feature more Obi-Wan, also autistic Anakin and maybe Ahsoka eventually. Mostly just vent fic.

1.  
Beira worried over the boy as he stood in the doorway, waiting for the Jedi to come. They were coming after snack and nap, he knew this.

Beira stood back, watching the small boy with his knapsack containing all he was allowed to bring- his clothing and one toy. Everything else went against the Jedi principle of forgetting where one came from.

“You think we ought to tell ‘em?” Fianna asked.

“What? How he is? I reckon they'll find out pretty quickly.” Beira said.

“I dunno, you know how they are on Coruscant. Think they're all high and mighty but they don't know anything.”

“They- they won't treat him right, if they know.”

“Then why’re you sending him?”

“He needs them. Needs the control. You know how his abilities affect him. He’ll need it. And we can't give him that.”

Marah walked into view, smiling down at her little brother in the doorway.

“C’mere Obi-Wan.” The boy turned to his sister, not quite smiling or meeting her eyes, but his happiness was evident in his body. He toddled toward her into a hug, just as the Jedi master came to the door.

“All set, youngling?” She asked. Beira nodded.

“He's ready to go.” She rested a hand on her stomach, the place where he'd grown, and tried not to cry as the Jedi master took her son’s hand and led him away.

2.

Obi-Wan peered down at his pile of blocks, carefully stacking them. When time was called for cleanup, he took it down piece by piece and returned them to their box.

Crèche Master Mia brought the children to the dining area for dinner, leading them in a careful line down the hallways.

She met her supervisor Master Semane in the dining area. They watched the children get their food, making comment here and there. Finally, the last boy in line came along, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

“I hate to say it, but there’s something not right about that boy.” Semane said.

“What do you mean? He's shy, but he's good and quiet, doesn't cause trouble.” Mia replied.

“I mean just that, he's too quiet. I know we're training them to control their emotions, but every five year old has their emotions. You've heard his voice, he doesn't betray anything.”

“I know, but isn't that a good sign? A sign he'll make a good Jedi one day?”

“I don't know. Kids like him usually wash out, I've seen it a dozen times.”

3.

Obi-Wan shouted in frustration as Bruck pushed him against the wall.

“You'll never make it you know, too emotional. Everyone thinks you'll turn.” Obi-Wan didn't have the words to respond, the emotionality of the situation overwhelming him. He went into his own mind, trying to block them out. Bruck kept tormenting him, but he couldn't hear it anymore.

“Just gonna ignore me, huh? Well you can't ignore this!” He punched him in the face and let him go.

“C’mon. This isn't fun anymore.” Obi-Wan shuffled down the hall and found his way to the small bathroom, the one with only two stalls. He huddled down into the corner of one stall and stared at the wall until he felt in control again.

4.

He winced as Bant stumbled during her kata, embarrassment on her behalf rushing through him. She didn't seem bothered, but hearing Bruck chuckle behind him made Obi-Wan feel so bad for her. How could she not be embarrassed?

He was caught up in his thoughts, too caught up in them. When the master called for him to demonstrate the kata, he didn't hear him until Bant put her hand on his shoulder to rouse him. The touch was kind but he still flinched.

“Thanks, Bant.” He whispered as the master looked at him questioningly. He began to move, carefully executing the kata. He was doing well until the very end, when his hand slipped and the practice saber dropped to the ground. The smell of burnt sand entered his nostrils and he winced.

“Good. Do it again.” The master said. His voice had gotten very annoying and was making Obi-Wan distressed but he knew better than to say anything.

He began again, moving slowly and gracefully through the motions. When he was almost to the end, he misplaced his foot, throwing him off balance and knocking him to the ground. The harsh hit to his back and the slight burn of the training saber brought tears to his eyes.

The master frowned at him, pulling him to his feet and noticing that the tears weren't going away. Obi-Wan tried, he really did, but he was only ten and it was all too much. The master gently pushed him down the hall and toward the office of crèche master Mia.

Mia said nothing as he fell apart in her office, shaking and sobbing in a chair. It was a vicious cycle, the initial distress passed, but the feeling remained. He was embarrassed by his reaction, by his tears, and reacted to that embarrassment by crying harder. He started rocking in place, back and forth on the edge of his seat and mumbling.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry.”

Finally the tears stopped, and though he still felt on edge, he bowed his head politely to Mia and left.

5.

He flapped his hands nervously as he spoke to Masters Yoda and Semane about the latest person who had decided not to train him. They supported his quest to find a master, but he thought they didn't always agree it was best for him. He was determined anyway.

“Quiet hands, Obi-Wan.” Master Semane chided him. He put his hands behind his back automatically and began rocking back and forth instead, continuing to give his report in faltering tones.

“Obi-Wan.” Master Semane chided again. Obi-Wan gritted his teeth and forced himself to stand still, aching inside. Finally he finished his report and the masters dismissed him, allowing him to go back and pace his room for several minutes. He wanted to jump, knowing that would feel so much better, but he chided himself for it. A Jedi did not jump up and down in place when they felt emotion. They shouldn't feel such strong emotion at all.

He couldn't stop his pacing.

6.

He watched Bant negotiate for an extra helping of her favorite food at dinner that night curiously. She opened her eyes wide and smiled a lot when she was doing so. He looked to the man serving his favorite dish and forced himself to make eye contact, widening his eyes and smiling.

He copied Bant’s words exactly as she had spoken them. The man eventually relented, luckily before Obi-Wan ran out of words to say. He couldn't believe it! He'd done it!

He made a note to watch what everyone was saying extra carefully. He didn't know when he would need it again, after all.

7.

He immersed himself in studying the mission details for the mission they were sending him and his master on. He loved research, and he loved his missions so this was no hardship. He spent hours in the library until Qui-Gon came to find him, tugging lightly on his braid to get his attention and tease him.

“My little bookworm. Come join me in the gardens, spend some time in the moment, not preparing for the next.” Obi-Wan was a little annoyed at being taken from his research, but he nodded and followed his master.


	2. Anakin’s Autistic too, fuck you.

1.  
Anakin fidgeted in place as Shmi watched him. He was supposed to be standing still. She hoped Watto wasn’t in a bad mood today. Normally he accepted Anakin's fidgeting, having realized it was how he was, but some days, when he was upset about something, he used it as an excuse to punish them.

Shmi knew better than to tell him to stop. He would only be uncomfortable. She’d take any punishment over Anakin’s pain, even if she didn’t fully understand where the pain was coming from.

He was autistic, or at least, she thought he was. The local healer had decided that was the reason for his behavior. She’d also told him all about how he should behave, so they no longer went to that healer, even though she was the closest to their home.

Luckily Watto said nothing, and their day continued.

2.  
A woman came to Watto’s shop one day, took a look at Anakin, and walked away. Shmi bristled all day until she met the woman again, when she was coming out of Watto’s shop at the end of the day.

“He’s that way, isn’t he? Autistic?” The woman said, her accent strong, but unplaceable for Shmi.

“Why do you ask?”

“My son was that way.” Shmi softened.

“Was?”

“Oh no, he’s not dead. Just away from me. With the Jedi.”

“Jedi? Your son is a Jedi?”

“Aye, he is. They’re often that way, when they have the gift.”

“How did you…”

“Know your little one had the gift?” The woman chuckled. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell. I’ve the gift myself, though just enough to be lucky, hun. But it’s strong enough to see the others with the gift. Your boy… he’s very strong with it.”

“You know the Jedi, could you…” Shmi began, and the woman’s face softened.

“I’m afraid I can’t. They won’t answer my calls. Ignore ‘em completely. I can try, but there’s no guarantee they’ll ever hear me.” Shmi deflated.

“But there is something I can get ya, aye? I carry my boy’s things with me. His blanket. Good for wee ones that are like that.” Shmi was going to protest, but the woman continued. “Now don’t argue, I’ve plenty of his blankets back home. I’d rather this un go somewhere it’ll do some good.”

The woman handed over a blanket, smaller than the ones Ani would usually use, but enough to cover him. It was heavy. Shmi frowned.

“Why does it weigh so much?”

“Dunno. Just know it helped my boy. Calms ‘em down. Feels nice. If he doesn’t like it…”

“Thank you.” Shmi said.

“Aye, it’s fine, I don’t really need it for myself. Now you take your boy home. I’ve a few calls to make, don’t I? I'm only here for a few hours, but maybe I can speak to you later.”

With that, she walked away.

3.  
Anakin would spend hours searching for things to build. Shmi wishes she could buy him those kits she saw in the nice store, the ones for tourists to build models and mechanics. But even most residents of Tatooine couldn’t afford those, let alone the slaves.

So instead, he scavenged for bits and pieces of machinery that he could make something out of.

One day, he came home, delightedly holding up… something, Shmi couldn’t recognize it with all the sand and dust covering it.

“It’s a personality!” Anakin said, then frowned, knowing he’d gotten the words wrong somewhere. “You know, for a droid!”

“Oh.” Shmi said. “You want to build a droid?”

“Yeah Mom. It’s gonna help you! As soon as I figure out what it can do, that is.”

Ani spent the rest of the day, buried in machinery, humming and rocking in contentment.

4.  
When the Jedi came, Shmi took Anakin aside in a brief moment.

“Now, you remember my friend? The one who gave you the blanket?”

“Yeah. It’s a good blanket, Mom.”

“Now, remember what I said about the core worlds?”

“They don’t like people like me.”

“Ani, they just don’t understand. They’ll try to fix you, because they want to help, but they don’t know there’s nothing to fix.”

“Why are you telling me again? Am I going there?”

“I think so, my dear Ani. I think so.”

5.  
The first time Anakin had a meltdown around Obi-Wan was after Qui-Gon’s death. Someone who had been kind to him, who’d promised him a way out of slavery and a way to be a Jedi. He’d started screaming and Obi-Wan had rushed him to a quiet place, which helped a little but not a lot.

Obi-Wan looked on the verge of a meltdown himself, Anakin would have said. If he didn’t know any better. If he don’t know there was no way Obi-Wan was like him. They were too different. He liked him well enough, but they were different. They weren’t the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, if only you knew, Anakin. If only you knew. And yes, the woman’s Beira from the first chapter. Beira is from radioactivepeasant on tumblr, by the way.

**Author's Note:**

> Was tempted to title this "Obi-Wan and Anakin are autistic, fuck you" to spite allistic white knights, but decided against it
> 
> Autistic traits used in each section
> 
> 1\. Strict adherence to routine, not making eye contact  
> 2\. Lining things up, monotone voice, seeming detached  
> 3\. Shutdowns and going non verbal  
> 4\. "Embarrassment on behalf of peers", crying meltdown, sensory sensitivity, emotional sensitivity, hyper empathy, touch averse  
> 5\. Stimming, also where the ABA warning comes up. Shame over stimming appears here.  
> 6\. "Feeling like you learned how to socialize by watching others."  
> 7\. Special interests.


End file.
